September 25th, 2008

Hi, so I probably won't get that letter for a while now but I'm looking forwards to hearing more about the play. Your statement about your sisters reminded me of something I've said sometimes. I tended not to notice when my friends were not quite as zealous about being my friends as I was about being theirs until you or someone else would say “why don't they do this or shouldn't they have done this?” In the screw tape letters C.S. Lewis talks about how one of the devils greatest weapons is self-sacrifice. He loves it when we sacrifice for others. Something as simple as you wanted to watch this movie this time so I let you even though I didn't want to. When you sacrificed that movie you didn't really sacrifice it. You expected that the next time it would be your choice and then are disappointed if it doesn't work that way. Because, we then build up in ourselves a mental list of all they owe us while at the same time they are doing the same. But, neither recognize this list and both are noticing only what is done for the other and therefore, what they owe you. Forgetting what they did in their own way until someone explodes. And, of course, the other has their own list to throw back at you so nobody wins. It just becomes resentment. Even when we try to have very pure motives our mortal state causes us to do that. And so, since reading that I try to make sure I expect no return. Even the return of thanks or of being noticed sometimes doesn't happen. But, that should not be what motives us rather a true love for others gained only through our knowledge of the Savior's love for all of us and His great sacrifice. And, then we can expect the greatest return because God's blessings in our sacrifice are sure and eternal. Well, I read dad's letter too, of course. Good luck in your search and in your move and adjustments. I came to a point where I tried to stop being surprised when we moved. I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere but it helped me realize that the church is always the same. That was one great blessing. Then I went to college and created my own stable little world with my same job and apartment andFriends. But, it's funny to create a stable world in such an unstable one. It was bound to change and always did. I found myself disconnected from my family however. I didn't feel like a part much but separate and not sure how to change that since everything seemed more to be pushing me away and into my own life. I realized early on at the MTC that my mission was a chance to become connected again. It forced me to. When I return you'll live somewhere new again that I have never been and further away from where I will be. But, Savanna will be on my level now. I've had all this time to write letters and share great amounts of my life and experiences and feelings more than I ever would have or did at college or in High School and it's just a good blessing. Not to mention I learned again that in a world of unstableness the church is the same. Even here, it is the same. It is cool, I speak Tagalog! And, I realize in my last email I was a bit excited about that realization but don't get too excited because I'm still millions of miles away from fluent. It's such a SLOW process despite how fast it is. It is strange how life is contradictory. Well, I'm going to leave talking about Sherwin's baptism for my letter so I have something to say in it and that's about all for now. Love much Brit