March 22nd, 2009

All right, well I've thought about going home some -- and it's funny that you mention some of the things you do because I began to feel that way a little bit (concerning the complacency of people) before I left and feel that way very much here even with some missionaries and do wonder what life will be like when I return...but at least I have learned a LOT of patience compared to how I was before so I guess that will be a perk in overcoming discouragements.

I'm not perfect by any means but I really do have high standards for myself and probably higher ones for whoever I might marry...if I marry someone. (p.s. happy 23rd right? yes 23 because I am 22...!!!)

Having companions has helped me to learn how to work with different levels of commitment and obedience and I am thankful for that. However, it's amazing how easy it is to decide you can lower your standards in very "jusitfiable" little ways so that other people willl get along with you or like you better, so that there will be peace and you think "well that's okay because it's important also to have others happy with you and etc. etc." but in the end we should always put God first and he does not lower his standards for us depending on situations, we have to find a way to live up to his requirement and do so in a way that hopefully helps others, that is not prideful, of course in a very humble and patient and full of love way and yet all you do is not good enough for everyone and everyone will be always be pleased with you -- but God's standards are still more important, right? It's amazingly easy to question that, to wonder what He really wants of us in each situation...to wonder what strict obedience and exact performance means and "become perfect even as I..."

I'm trying to live the standards I truly want in my life and making reasonable goals that I know God wants for me and that I should seek after but I wonder if that will cause me a problem when it comes to sharing standards daily with someone for eternity? I'm good at going it alone -- but learning to do it while living with others is a unique challenge. I enjoyed reading all of Jesus the Christ which opened my mind to many things I should do and can do and needed to change.
I have lived with many different people and dealt with many different situations and have messed up and have also done what I think is the best and felt I did well in it.

I hope that in the end someone, especially those I don't expect and that I've maybe only met once or talked to a couple of times, will find themselves blessed by the gospel one day and in some way I will have had a part in it and that's what my mission was in part all about, and the other part in preparing me to follow all that God will have me do as my life unfolds and being ready to serve in each calling I am given.

Well, we're running out of time so I'll leave you there. Don't worry about me, we are safe and for the most part always healthy and I am happy in my trials and my triumphs because I know that God has a perfect plan for me and all we experience is for us to eventually become what we should, even the times when we fall or forget are meant to help us stand up and remember.

Love, Sister Landrum